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Against all odds…

“When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.”  Friedrich Nietzsche

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I prayed for the husband I have. I made a list, I was diligent as I transcribed my thoughts in to words and wrote them creating a list of what “I” desired in a partner. I prayed over my list, placed that list in my bible, and (patiently) waited. At that time, I was in my mid 20’s and many of my prior and current associations/close connections had been linked to and with married couples. I’d like to think that from those associations, I learned how to be a good and better wife, however without doubt I know that those close relationships taught me how to be a stronger me.

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My #1 of that list was “someone who could always make me laugh.” In my youth I was a firm believer that with a good partner by your side you could see beyond a storm as long as you were willing to have one single ray of hope and always laugh together (he does that and so much more). Certainly, I encountered situations that should have left me jaded, but for whatever reason did not.
Over the years I have revisited my list, the list I penned so many years ago (still tucked away in my bible) and noted that as my husband and I have grown and matured in our marriage/partnership, we have succeeded what began as “my” list and begin to create and collaborate a list for what “we” desire not only in our marriage, but in one another as husband and wife, lover and friends…and certainly life partners.

We are two hearts united who have beat the odds, having found and nurtured love creating our own love story.

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**This list I plan to share w/ my daughters with hopes that they will add to it and share it with their own daughters.

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Things that I do when I am lying awake…

awakeIt is just mere minutes before 6am according to the clock on my iphone. I have been awake for the last two hours laying in bed catching up and reading both blog post that I follow and panning new ones. I was awaken by the snow trucks coming through and then I hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet on the carpet (hey, I have mother,s hearing) and saw a tiny head appear in the shadow of my iphone light. After a potty run, a kiss and tucking him back in his bed he had driffted off to sleep and I again lay awake…scrolling. Then I realized that I was 1) hungry and 2) dying to write something…and I managed to do both in just 8 minutes. Smile

 

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Stand Up: A Lesson With My Daughter On Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

CHAPTER 2013 page 19 of 365 Peace, Strength and Courage

Stand Up: A Lesson With My Daughter On Dr. Martin Luther King Jr..

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2013 in Love Stories

 

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Where is your Hoola Hoop?

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Here’s a thought, I’m a control freak!

Recently an associate shared a story with me as I was having a stressful day.

A young woman having crap poured into her life from every possible direction, felt as if she couldn’t take another single breath. Being a member of AA she reached out to the only person to whom she could entrust to understand, her sponsor.

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The sponsor listened intently as the young woman rattled off everything that was holding back, pinning her down, going wrong and stripping her of her confidence, dignity and possibly her sobriety. When she finished, the sponsor told her to immediately go to Wal-Mart and call her upon her arrival. As instructed the young woman upon her arrival frantically dialed the sponsors number. In a calm and supportive voice the sponsor instructed the young woman to go to the toy department where she would locate and purchase one single item…a hula hoop. She instructed the young woman to call her back once the transaction was completed before hanging up the telephone.

Anxious and somewhat baffled she went in search of the toy department, purchased a hula hoop redialed the sponsors number. The sponsor answered on the third ring projecting a smile and reassurance in her voice. She then instructed the woman to take her purchase and go out to the parking lot. The young woman frowned, but did as instructed without question.

Once outside, the sponsor told her to take the hula hoop in both hands and slowly raise it above her head. After a few seconds the sponsor instructed her take two deep cleansing breaths and to drop the hula hoop over her body allowing it to fall to the ground.

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The young woman again did as instructed and stood in silence as the hula hoop begin to free-fall from above her head quickly landing on the ground at her feet.

The sponsor said nothing, the young woman said nothing, the curious passerby’s said nothing as they stared with curiosity at the odd young woman. After what seemed like an eternity the sponsors voice crackled through the phone.

Inside this hula hoop is everything within your control and all things outside the hula hoop…well ehh, not so much lay all things beyond your control.

The young woman paused and pondered the sponsors words and then she silently took one step outside of the hula hoop, bent over and lifted it off the ground. She held it tightly in the grasp of her two hands and slowly raised it over head pausing for a brief second before allowing it to rapidly fall to the ground encasing her body in the process.

20120725-110607.jpg …and then she laughed. Here’s another thought…no one controls everything.

Should you ever have a similar moment, feel free to go purchase a hula hoop, raise it high above your head and allow it fall to the ground identifying your boundary of control. Because we all must acknowledge what “WE” are able to control.

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Her secret is, she acknowledges she can only control what is within her        hula hoop.

 

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Sanctuary

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It’s 0345 and I’ve been awake since 0215. I’ve decided to climb out of the warmth of my bed and come sit on my deck for awhile. I’m hoping after writing for a spell the sandman will show up and lure me back to a peaceful sleep.

One of my small joys in life is sitting on my deck. It matters not if the sun is shinning or it’s raining cats and dogs, I love sitting out here and just getting lost in the thought of not thinking too much. I try to come out here every morning for 5-20 minutes (spring/summer only) and just sit. This is time that I’ve dedicated to talking with God, my Grand and most recently, my aunt.

It’s funny, but I’ve always referred to this space as my sanctuary; my place of peace and understanding. Oddly, anyone who HS known me for ten minutes can tell you, I’m not the outdoors type, but this is different.

My backyard is comfortable, I’ve worked hard to create an oasis for myself that I sometimes share with others. A few years after purchasing this house. I (yes, I) created a water feature back here, so sometimes I just sit and listen to the water…I’m a fire sign who loves water sounds and sights. LOL

During the summer, I pitch a tent back here on the deck and rough it! LOL My husband would disagree that I’ve ever roughed anything in my life.

My backyard is small roughly 600 sq ft with various tree types and a couple of lilac bushes, which I planted many years ago. As I sit here listening to the sound of the running water and the rain drops, I look out across the yard. The trees stand tall in the background huddled close together as if sharing a secret that only they should know here in this yard. My senses are charmed by the faint aroma of the lilac bushes mixed with the rain and I am mesmerized at the sky a mix of indigo and midnight blues, dancing across the early morning sky

In a word, it’s beautiful and I feel truly blessed to have a space, a refuge that is all mine if and when I so desire.

Theabove photo is a day shot of what I call my garden of Eden.

 
 

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A celebrities life…holy geez!

The wisdom of children shows: I am watching Arthur with my GB today and I heard the most profound comment…

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The cookie jar…LOL!

Baking the cookies…. Laughing Out Loud, at myself for still using this age-old innuendo as a reference to sexcapes. Okay, I consider myself to be relevant when it comes to knowing my way around the “kitchen.” Now, I’m far from an expert, but I can “ahem” hold my own. I bake a “slap yo mama” pound cake that will bring a man to his knees and grill a steak so fine that you won’t care who is watching as you lick the plate clean. However, my specialty where it really counts is in “baking the cookies.”

See, most everything I learned to do in a kitchen started at the knee of my Grand (a wise old woman with many colorful colloquialisms), but baking cookies (giggle) well that was a lesson I learned directly from the men in my life.

Lesson #1 you shouldn’t share your cookies just for the sake of sharing, because everyone will want to get a bite. Be perspicacious when deciding if and when you should share no need to rush into making a rash decision if the cookie is good they’ll be willing to wait. Your job is to make them want to wait and remember a woman should guard her “cookie jar” as if she is guarding the gates of heaven.

Lesson #2 listen with your head and not your heart. The heart will mislead you with all kinds of emotions, however the head is more apt to lean toward logic and good old common sense. Be prepared to have sonnets written by the lying poets who will serenade you with the sweetest words to gain entrance to your cookie jar.

Lesson #3 never sacrifice yourself or your cookies for love when you find yourself in an unbalanced situation. Always be able to make the distinction between love and loyalty to self. Otherwise you will feel as if someone robbed your cookie jar.

Lesson #4 Lay your cards on the table, but still maintain a stern poker face. If you choose to pull up a chair and play the game using your cookies as bait know exactly what you are willing to lose and when you need to pull it all out.

Lesson #5 You and you alone are responsible for your cookie jar and it’s contents…so you may want to consider keeping it locked down until you really have a clear understanding of its authentic value (women often under value the worth of the cookies). Wouldn’t you hate to look up one day and have an empty cookie jar, because you shared its contents with so many who thought “why buy the cow when the milk and cookies are free.”

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Writing, where does it come from?

My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living. — Anais Nin

When I ceased struggling to find something in which to write about, everything became a topic of interest. It was only then that I could discern, weave and create a fascinating and engaging tale oft-times filled with laughter, but certainly always with joy and love.

Given time…I will be, a writer again.

 

 
 

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Karma suggest we..do the right thing.

Sometimes when one is going through a struggling time (personal/work relationships, financial hardship, employment opportunities, or general turmoil) one must stand in the mirror and ask the following question…

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What pot am I stirring that I need to put the lid on and step away from? What ingredients (belittling, jealousy, loathing, degrading, backbiting, self-righteousness, gossip, superiority, envy, greed) might I be contributing via pouring and spewing, that “ain’t” none of my business? At some point you must ask yourself, “am I part of the problem or part of the solution” (this does not require a rocket scientist brain)?

Maybe it’s time you bake up something of your own creation. Something with a little less negativity and a lot more positivity toward life and the lives you’ve been blessed to touch. Cease being up in the “mix” of everything with everybody and focus on your own success and the business you need to handle today and tomorrow.

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A Good Marriage yields…the fruits of your labor!

Fresh is the bouquet of love

 
 
 

Two, became one

 
I have been told that we (my husband and I) are still in the infancy of our marriage, so when the question was posed asking, why do we “have” to work so hard?
I laughed, thinking to myself “if you have to ask, you are definitely not ready. Well, I could have shrugged the question off or replied, that we don’t work hard, but the truth is “yes we do” and what if it? The benefits of our “hard work” are repeatedly demonstrated for our friends, family and oft-times to complete strangers. A few minutes passed before I politely responded; does one fix a chair only after it’s broken and of no use to the owner or does one care for the chair regardless of age, always looking to prevent breakage? In our marriage we learned early on that we needed to not only plant seeds of love, but also that we needed to cultivate and nurture the place in which we would plant the seeds. Our formidable marriage is the result of our “hard work.”

I would have to say that our “Marriage Maintenance” begin before we said our “I do’s” and it began with truth in our communication. We shared openly our secrets, our rough spots, and even our skeletons. We made agreements, understood compromise, respect and our expectations of one another and our union. We became a committed partners.

                                 “It takes a loose rein to keep a marriage tight.”  ~John Stevenson

Even on our worst day!

One should understand, that marriage is working selflessly everyday, because although we are united as one, we are still two separate entities. We will have different thoughts, wants, needs, but we work to bring those together…that’s our love. There has never been a day in our lives together that he has not put my feelings before his own. His mantra in our marriage has always been “dear whatever makes you happy,” my feelings and my happiness matter to him. I smile just thinking about that phrase and how often he has said it, meant it, and how much I love him for it.

Cuddling, my favorite partner activity

 I have been dating my husband longer than I’ve known him and it is because of this that I can truly say we have become one another’s “best friend.” We still share passion, joy, laughter (oh the laughter), and so much more. What I have enjoyed the most about our marriage is learning how to have a healthy relationship, it was not always easy, but it was definitely worth each of my false starts if it got me here. LOL My husband has taught me to be a better person and I in turn have taught him to be a better partner.

  “Are we not like two volumes of one book?”  ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

My/his achievements are our achievements and our failures are our strengths. We do not have individual achievements or goals, partnerships aren’t built that way. We work to strengthen and lift one another, always. There was a time when I was uncertain about what I wanted to do career wise. I changed jobs more frequently than a hooker changes panties, but he was always supportive of me.

His laughter caressed my heart.

When I wanted to return to school, it was at his insistence that I quit working and focused on completing my degree. Later when I was faced with adversity and illness, it was he that held my hand, wiped my tears and quietly prepared to stand and battle in my defense. He has never flaunted my failures or false starts in my face. I know that he has been my greatest advocate. I wanted to learn a new jewelry making technique (to enhance my skills) he too enrolled in the class and was the only male. When women are bemused and impressed with all he does for and with me, I just smile and say ” yep, that’s my husband.”

“Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you.  They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.”  ~Author Unknown
 

It's work, but it is what you make it

 
 
Yes, marriage is work and to have a good one, I mean a really good one you share, sacrifice, you compromise, you pull back and you grow. We learned to let go of the things that could mangle or hold us back. We don’t hold grudges (for very long) and we know that we can always lean on and look to one another for truth. We made a commitment and we honor it not only in our hearts, but in our actions.
 

 As two, we are solid as a rock, but united as one…we have become invincible! We are committing our promise to one another in three weeks. I am both ecstatic and guarded, because one shouldn’t tamper with flawless. 

The first time I heard “Lost Without You” I immediately began to daydream and fantasize about husband and wife things. Later, I played it for my husband, ahem immediately I knew that this was the song that was meant to be our husband and wife anthem. Let’s just say, it motivates us in both words and actions.

Yes, the heart really does matter.

there is nothing simple about complex.

 
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Posted by on June 27, 2011 in Love Stories, marriage

 

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