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Against all odds…

“When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.”  Friedrich Nietzsche

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I prayed for the husband I have. I made a list, I was diligent as I transcribed my thoughts in to words and wrote them creating a list of what “I” desired in a partner. I prayed over my list, placed that list in my bible, and (patiently) waited. At that time, I was in my mid 20’s and many of my prior and current associations/close connections had been linked to and with married couples. I’d like to think that from those associations, I learned how to be a good and better wife, however without doubt I know that those close relationships taught me how to be a stronger me.

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My #1 of that list was “someone who could always make me laugh.” In my youth I was a firm believer that with a good partner by your side you could see beyond a storm as long as you were willing to have one single ray of hope and always laugh together (he does that and so much more). Certainly, I encountered situations that should have left me jaded, but for whatever reason did not.
Over the years I have revisited my list, the list I penned so many years ago (still tucked away in my bible) and noted that as my husband and I have grown and matured in our marriage/partnership, we have succeeded what began as “my” list and begin to create and collaborate a list for what “we” desire not only in our marriage, but in one another as husband and wife, lover and friends…and certainly life partners.

We are two hearts united who have beat the odds, having found and nurtured love creating our own love story.

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**This list I plan to share w/ my daughters with hopes that they will add to it and share it with their own daughters.

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Shhhh, it’s my little secret

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Blessed in love would definitely be an understatement. I have the husband of most women’s dreams; he’s nurturing and attentive, but without being smothering or controlling. He encourages me to pursue my dreams, my goals, my passions. He is affectionate, both in public and in private, he makes me laugh, he accepts my faults and flaws and he never criticizes me.

He takes care of me when I’ve been ill taking away my gadgets forcing me to rest. He helps with the dishes and chores around the house (lol) and he never scoffs when I make his “honey do list.”

He always ask with intention how my day is, (he will call or text me during the day) he say’s “I love you throughout the day, he kisses me hello, good-bye and for no reason in between and he always he kisses me goodnight.

He is a very good provider, as patient as Job and I am grateful that he’s the one with whom I share this incredible Love Story.

 
 

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The cookie jar…LOL!

Baking the cookies…. Laughing Out Loud, at myself for still using this age-old innuendo as a reference to sexcapes. Okay, I consider myself to be relevant when it comes to knowing my way around the “kitchen.” Now, I’m far from an expert, but I can “ahem” hold my own. I bake a “slap yo mama” pound cake that will bring a man to his knees and grill a steak so fine that you won’t care who is watching as you lick the plate clean. However, my specialty where it really counts is in “baking the cookies.”

See, most everything I learned to do in a kitchen started at the knee of my Grand (a wise old woman with many colorful colloquialisms), but baking cookies (giggle) well that was a lesson I learned directly from the men in my life.

Lesson #1 you shouldn’t share your cookies just for the sake of sharing, because everyone will want to get a bite. Be perspicacious when deciding if and when you should share no need to rush into making a rash decision if the cookie is good they’ll be willing to wait. Your job is to make them want to wait and remember a woman should guard her “cookie jar” as if she is guarding the gates of heaven.

Lesson #2 listen with your head and not your heart. The heart will mislead you with all kinds of emotions, however the head is more apt to lean toward logic and good old common sense. Be prepared to have sonnets written by the lying poets who will serenade you with the sweetest words to gain entrance to your cookie jar.

Lesson #3 never sacrifice yourself or your cookies for love when you find yourself in an unbalanced situation. Always be able to make the distinction between love and loyalty to self. Otherwise you will feel as if someone robbed your cookie jar.

Lesson #4 Lay your cards on the table, but still maintain a stern poker face. If you choose to pull up a chair and play the game using your cookies as bait know exactly what you are willing to lose and when you need to pull it all out.

Lesson #5 You and you alone are responsible for your cookie jar and it’s contents…so you may want to consider keeping it locked down until you really have a clear understanding of its authentic value (women often under value the worth of the cookies). Wouldn’t you hate to look up one day and have an empty cookie jar, because you shared its contents with so many who thought “why buy the cow when the milk and cookies are free.”

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S.W.A.K.

20120129-033143.jpg My hubby trotted in the bedroom this morning and said “good morning dear” I replied, I like my good mornings, my good nights and my good bye’s sealed w/ a kiss!

…and he did!

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A Good Marriage yields…the fruits of your labor!

Fresh is the bouquet of love

 
 
 

Two, became one

 
I have been told that we (my husband and I) are still in the infancy of our marriage, so when the question was posed asking, why do we “have” to work so hard?
I laughed, thinking to myself “if you have to ask, you are definitely not ready. Well, I could have shrugged the question off or replied, that we don’t work hard, but the truth is “yes we do” and what if it? The benefits of our “hard work” are repeatedly demonstrated for our friends, family and oft-times to complete strangers. A few minutes passed before I politely responded; does one fix a chair only after it’s broken and of no use to the owner or does one care for the chair regardless of age, always looking to prevent breakage? In our marriage we learned early on that we needed to not only plant seeds of love, but also that we needed to cultivate and nurture the place in which we would plant the seeds. Our formidable marriage is the result of our “hard work.”

I would have to say that our “Marriage Maintenance” begin before we said our “I do’s” and it began with truth in our communication. We shared openly our secrets, our rough spots, and even our skeletons. We made agreements, understood compromise, respect and our expectations of one another and our union. We became a committed partners.

                                 “It takes a loose rein to keep a marriage tight.”  ~John Stevenson

Even on our worst day!

One should understand, that marriage is working selflessly everyday, because although we are united as one, we are still two separate entities. We will have different thoughts, wants, needs, but we work to bring those together…that’s our love. There has never been a day in our lives together that he has not put my feelings before his own. His mantra in our marriage has always been “dear whatever makes you happy,” my feelings and my happiness matter to him. I smile just thinking about that phrase and how often he has said it, meant it, and how much I love him for it.

Cuddling, my favorite partner activity

 I have been dating my husband longer than I’ve known him and it is because of this that I can truly say we have become one another’s “best friend.” We still share passion, joy, laughter (oh the laughter), and so much more. What I have enjoyed the most about our marriage is learning how to have a healthy relationship, it was not always easy, but it was definitely worth each of my false starts if it got me here. LOL My husband has taught me to be a better person and I in turn have taught him to be a better partner.

  “Are we not like two volumes of one book?”  ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

My/his achievements are our achievements and our failures are our strengths. We do not have individual achievements or goals, partnerships aren’t built that way. We work to strengthen and lift one another, always. There was a time when I was uncertain about what I wanted to do career wise. I changed jobs more frequently than a hooker changes panties, but he was always supportive of me.

His laughter caressed my heart.

When I wanted to return to school, it was at his insistence that I quit working and focused on completing my degree. Later when I was faced with adversity and illness, it was he that held my hand, wiped my tears and quietly prepared to stand and battle in my defense. He has never flaunted my failures or false starts in my face. I know that he has been my greatest advocate. I wanted to learn a new jewelry making technique (to enhance my skills) he too enrolled in the class and was the only male. When women are bemused and impressed with all he does for and with me, I just smile and say ” yep, that’s my husband.”

“Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you.  They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.”  ~Author Unknown
 

It's work, but it is what you make it

 
 
Yes, marriage is work and to have a good one, I mean a really good one you share, sacrifice, you compromise, you pull back and you grow. We learned to let go of the things that could mangle or hold us back. We don’t hold grudges (for very long) and we know that we can always lean on and look to one another for truth. We made a commitment and we honor it not only in our hearts, but in our actions.
 

 As two, we are solid as a rock, but united as one…we have become invincible! We are committing our promise to one another in three weeks. I am both ecstatic and guarded, because one shouldn’t tamper with flawless. 

The first time I heard “Lost Without You” I immediately began to daydream and fantasize about husband and wife things. Later, I played it for my husband, ahem immediately I knew that this was the song that was meant to be our husband and wife anthem. Let’s just say, it motivates us in both words and actions.

Yes, the heart really does matter.

there is nothing simple about complex.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on June 27, 2011 in Love Stories, marriage

 

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Not just a butterfly in your hand…

The heart really does matter.

This is how I see me in the palm of your hand. It is quaint, alluring and altogether magical from my perspective.

Most might think that this would render me powerless with absolute no control. Little do they know I am energized by you; I feed not only off of our power, but also from your love for me. I do not need to siphon your strength, because it is fed to me with every beat of your heart, in every smile and our laughter.

I am inspired by you and that is why, I am able to sit so quietly in the palm of your hand never considering… that flight from you should be an option.  

There is nothing simple about complex.

 

 
8 Comments

Posted by on May 13, 2011 in Love Stories

 

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Reading is f-u-n-d-a-m-e-n-t-a-l!

I began reading, long before I had mastered the art of pronunciation or speech that said, I love, love to read. As a child, I found reading to be entertaining, educational and a means to an escape! Reading, is how I created my very own wonderland and adventures. Books and words were my retreat from my ordinary life, I could kick off my shoes, pull up a chair and immerse myself into the comfort of a story and feel as if I were a part of the action.

I remember reading mt first primary books “Run Dick Run and See Jane” oh, the memories…Borrrring! A term over used by my grandson, whenever he feels that he is not being fully entertained or asked to participate in anything of no interest to him. haha

My first love story was about a pig, a spider and a wonderful thing called friendship, Charlotte’s Web. I was seven years old and in the second grade. Mrs. Beatty (my absolute favorite teacher) was reading this story aloud to me (the class included) over a period of days. I remember being so eager to hear what would happen next with Wilbur that I awoke early each morning believing that I could propel the morning into afternoon story time with just my wishful thoughts. Although, I always enjoyed story time, I was truly excited about this particular story. I loved to listen to the sound of her voice as she brought each character to life through her animations and enthusiasm. I am certain that when Mrs. Beatty had children she was a phenomenal mother!

All these years later, I can recall how I felt in my little girl self as the story turned from humorous to devastating. I was heartbroken when Charlotte died (can you believe, I am tearing up now, as I write this). My teacher (being observant as a teacher should) noticed me crying (more like total meltdown) sat the book down, called me to the front, sat me on her lap and wrapped me in her arms. She waited before asking me, why I was crying. I told her because it wasn’t fair! It wasn’t fair that Charlotte should die and leave Wilbur and her babies alone. I guess, I could mention, that I was the only child out of the entire second grade class blubbering (If only I had known they that I would be an emotional train wreck the rest of my life). Do you think any of the kids in my second grade class remember me crying?

Like any “good” adult should, she talked me through the process of life and death as it related to the story. I will tell you that that moment has has stuck with me well into four plus decades of my existence. Recanting it now, the tingle in my heart feels as if it happened just yesterday.

Truth is I read any and everything! Which, I must admit has turned out to be my saving grace in many situations, because I am trained to read both the obvious and the less interesting, just out of habit.

My very first adventure book “The Boxcar Children” oh, how I loved those children and their antics. I didn’t know it then, but they romanticized “curiosity” for me. Ramona the pest, The Great Brain sparked my intuitiveness and inspired me to think outside the box, The Little House on The Prairie (I was certain that I was Laura Ingalls hanging out with pa on the creek). Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing (I must reread this as an adult) LOL Are You There God, its Me Margaret? That was a sort of coming to age book for me.

Books tell a lot about a person, I believe they tell a lot about who you are on the inside. I am older, more mature and a bit more seasoned now, I still enjoy a good story, but I really like to read about people, their courage and character. I find it interesting to see what people or made of, how a situation can affect them to their core or how they will rise to the occassion.

I sincerely hope that I can convey my passion for reading as I attempt to share the books I review here. Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts as well, because we all know that reading is fundamental.

*I can’t expect to be perfect, I sometimes just want to get it completed.

R&W

 
 

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