Against all odds…

“When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.”  Friedrich Nietzsche

I prayed for the husband I have. I made a list, I was diligent as I transcribed my thoughts in to words and wrote them creating a list of what “I” desired in a partner. I prayed over my list, placed that list in my bible, and (patiently) waited. At that time, I was in my mid 20’s and many of my prior and current associations/close connections had been linked to and with married couples. I’d like to think that from those associations, I learned how to be a good and better wife, however without doubt I know that those close relationships taught me how to be a stronger me.

My #1 of that list was “someone who could always make me laugh.” In my youth I was a firm believer that with a good partner by your side you could see beyond a storm as long as you were willing to have one single ray of hope and always laugh together (he does that and so much more). Certainly, I encountered situations that should have left me jaded, but for whatever reason did not.
Over the years I have revisited my list, the list I penned so many years ago (still tucked away in my bible) and noted that as my husband and I have grown and matured in our marriage/partnership, we have succeeded what began as “my” list and begin to create and collaborate a list for what “we” desire not only in our marriage, but in one another as husband and wife, lover and friends…and certainly life partners.

We are two hearts united who have beat the odds, having found and nurtured love creating our own love story.

**This list I plan to share w/ my daughters with hopes that they will add to it and share it with their own daughters.

 

KISMET…and beyond

Be it great or small, it requires daily tending and you will see first the buds of friendship, which will blossom into enduring love.

When I first met this man, who is now not only the love of my life, but also my “best friend” I had no clue as to what the future would hold.My initial take upon speaking with him (we met via a dating service) was that although I had “options” I only wanted him…he was my one.

So, when our first chance meeting (which went remarkably well) ended with him saying “I don’t think we should see each other again and me barely holding it together on the outside, but truly on the brink of tears” what was I suppose to think? How could I have ever imagined, believed in or foreseen today?

These little words are why we are together today; blind faith, persistent optimism and Kismet!

Twelve years later, we revisit that first chance meeting with lots of laughter and cajoling, our versions albeit similar each possesses their own comedic twist and turns (of course, my version is the singular truth), but always the same conclusion…him wanting to ease my pain, me twisting his arm (I sure miss that girl) and us on our first “official” date.

…and ninety days later we wed and have been living our “happily ever after” everyday since!

 

The cookie jar…LOL!

Baking the cookies…. Laughing Out Loud, at myself for still using this age-old innuendo as a reference to sexcapes. Okay, I consider myself to be relevant when it comes to knowing my way around the “kitchen.” Now, I’m far from an expert, but I can “ahem” hold my own. I bake a “slap yo mama” pound cake that will bring a man to his knees and grill a steak so fine that you won’t care who is watching as you lick the plate clean. However, my specialty where it really counts is in “baking the cookies.”

See, most everything I learned to do in a kitchen started at the knee of my Grand (a wise old woman with many colorful colloquialisms), but baking cookies (giggle) well that was a lesson I learned directly from the men in my life.

Lesson #1 you shouldn’t share your cookies just for the sake of sharing, because everyone will want to get a bite. Be perspicacious when deciding if and when you should share no need to rush into making a rash decision if the cookie is good they’ll be willing to wait. Your job is to make them want to wait and remember a woman should guard her “cookie jar” as if she is guarding the gates of heaven.

Lesson #2 listen with your head and not your heart. The heart will mislead you with all kinds of emotions, however the head is more apt to lean toward logic and good old common sense. Be prepared to have sonnets written by the lying poets who will serenade you with the sweetest words to gain entrance to your cookie jar.

Lesson #3 never sacrifice yourself or your cookies for love when you find yourself in an unbalanced situation. Always be able to make the distinction between love and loyalty to self. Otherwise you will feel as if someone robbed your cookie jar.

Lesson #4 Lay your cards on the table, but still maintain a stern poker face. If you choose to pull up a chair and play the game using your cookies as bait know exactly what you are willing to lose and when you need to pull it all out.

Lesson #5 You and you alone are responsible for your cookie jar and it’s contents…so you may want to consider keeping it locked down until you really have a clear understanding of its authentic value (women often under value the worth of the cookies). Wouldn’t you hate to look up one day and have an empty cookie jar, because you shared its contents with so many who thought “why buy the cow when the milk and cookies are free.”

 

My love is my gift…

 

 

See this man, I LOVE HIM!

I love him so much that he takes my breath away with an easy smile or a simple embrace. I married this man, after stepping out on faith (thanks, Iyana Vanzant for “In The Meantime”) meeting him via a dating service (thanks, People Store) and because I knew in my “heart of hearts” the very first time I heard his voice that he was “the one” I married him three months later. I tossed caution to the wind and trusted that faith would return nothing “less than” to my heart.

Our life together isn’t a fairytale, but it is it’s own “Love Story” with the usual ups and downs, struggles, and occasional delirium. I would also add that our story is charged with and by our laughter, smiles, personal sacrifice and undying love for one another.

To understand our love you would have to know that our story was created with a solid foundation, a foundation that consisted of open communication, support, trust, honesty and a twist of “til death do we part.”

He is truly, my “best friend” he has stood up for me and stands beside me during my personal struggles, pushes me toward achieving my endeavors, tolerates my workaholic tendencies, community driven inspirations, incessant sorority requirements and beams with each of my accomplishments. As I too, have done the same for him.

My dream is to live a long, long life with this man. I believe whatever storms we encounter, as long as we continue to place one another first, communicate with love and honesty and laugh together we will overcome thus; My Love Is My Gift to him forever.

“There is nothing basic about complex”